‘Twas the night before Winter Veil, the season of snow
Not a unit was stirring, not even Gazlowe.
The stockings were hung by the turrets with care,
In hopes that the Greatfather soon would be there.
The heroes were ready to march to their lanes,
While visions of neutral camps danced ‘cross their brains.
Malfurion in headdress, and I with my glaives,
Had settled on bot lane where we’d push for days.
When out on the battlefield there rose such a clatter,
I glanced at my minimap to see what was the matter.
Away to the scoreboard, I hit the tab key,
And tallied the numbers, afraid what I’d see.
I did some quick math, but couldn’t believe it,
How crappy a record, how could he achieve it?
Two takedowns, nine deaths, not a single killing blow.
We had quite the problem: trash-tier Diablo.
He dove while alone and had no map awareness,
“We’re so #$%ing toast” our astute Chen declared us.
“What a waste! Uninstall! Go die in a fire!”,
the panda insisted as he let loose his ire.
“Get rekt! I’m the best! I’m a real Dunning-Kruger!”
Chen continued to vomit his angst and his fervor.
“I always get paired with these terrible dudes”,
He said, unaware that the prob’ was his ‘tude.
We had seen this before, a chat-happy man-child.
They’re quite commonly found in the moba game wilds.
The type who delights at whining and blaming.
Oh a day in the Nexus, just the place for a shaming.
And then, in a twinkling, above fortress roofs,
The prancing and pawing of black cloven hooves.
I ceased my wave-clearing and gazed up above
to see Greatfather Winter, the one they speak of.
Wrapped tightly in clefthoof furs, head to his foot,
His clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of stimpacks he had flung on his back,
He looked just like a treasure goblin opening his pack.
His eyes full of mana! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks red as hellfire, his nose like a cherry!
His little mouth drawn up like Windrunner’s bow,
And the beard of his chin was like Winterspring snow.
“I come bearing treasures I collected for you,
It’s Winter Veil season, so don’t look so blue!”
“But Father”, Chen said. “We have some real dummies.
It’s hard to be happy and play with these crummies.”
“You know Chen. I think I have just the solution.
This issue requires some swift retribution”.
He drew from his pack a mighty Banhammer
And struck Chen in the face with a deafening clamor.
Decimated completely, the old man just smirked.
“I don’t suffer no fools when they act like a jerk.
My advice to you gamers, whether far or those near.
Set your egos aside and spread holiday cheer”.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a shake,
And away they all flew like a Time-Lost Proto Drake.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Winter Veil to all, and to all a good-night!”