5. Hitman: Absolution – End of the Road “Ice Cream Truck Kill”

Lenny was one of the characters from Absolution that I had absolutely zero qualms about killing. His squeaky redneck voice was obnoxious, he ran with a weird greaser gang, and , oh yeah, and he murdered an entire orphanage full of nuns. Absolution devotes a whole level to murdering Lenny.  You drive him out to the desert with a trunk filled with weapons: sniper Rifle, machine gun, three different pistols, and a hatchet are just a few of the tools to get the job done. But, this level also has several hidden easter eggs. The best by far is when you shoot all the birds out of the sky and a random ice cream truck comes barreling down the road at 100 mph and slams into Lenny, catapulting him a mile into the sky. It’s zany, ridiculous, and the funniest Hitman moment I’ve experienced.

Ryan Dodd


4. Hitman: Blood Money – Curtains Down “Even Fake Guns Can Kill”

As the saying goes, “the show isn’t over until someone swaps the prop gun for the real thing and shoots you in the face.” Or, you know, something like that. This mischievous murder has 47 sneaking into an actor’s dressing room to swap out a prop gun for a very real one. During the rehearsal, the actor shoots and kills the target, giving 47 the perfect opportunity to make sure the show is on for one night only. Too bad, too, because it’s a killer performance.

Nick Grave


3. Hitman: Blood Money – The Murder of Crows “Watch out for Falling Pianos”

For the Murder of Crows mission, Mardis Gras and the streets of New Orleans is your destination. This kill is about as cartoony as it gets; if dressing up in a big bird mascot outfit wasn’t silly enough, exploring the back alleys will present you with the chance to drop a piano on the head of another costumed criminal. It’s so ridiculous you’d almost expect a comical “wah,wah,wah” and Porky Pig telling you “That’s all folks.”

~Nick Grave


2. Hitman: Blood Money – A New Life “Death By Clown”

Here’s a little life lesson for everybody: whether you’re a mobster in witness protection or just an average Joe, if you get that feeling that somebody is out to get you, and there’s a clown around, it’s the clown. It’s always the clown. So, you better make like Stephen King and book IT. Now as for this mission, there isn’t a specific assassination method that makes this evil. However, simply dressing up as a clown and doing what you do best make this a pretty easy pick (bonus points, though, if you can make the security team run over the target).

Nick Grave


 

1. Hitman: Absolution – A Personal Contract “Cancer Can’t Keep You Down”

Imagine the happiest moment in your life: you’ve just heard the best news. Your heart is pounding in your chest, your skin is flushed, and you’re riding an emotional high. Then all of the sudden, you’re thrown out of a window to your death. That’s what you do to a poor guard in the opening mission of Absolution. It perfectly encapsulates what makes the series so great and so different from many franchises out there. Hitman’s way of combining hilarious black humor with murder is on full display here and it’s glorious.

Ryan Dodd

These are our top ten hilariously evil Hitman assassinations. Let us know in the comments if you agree, disagree, or have your own favorite assassinations.


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